Romanticism in Metro Manila

I was on my way to a friend’s house located at Manggahan Pasig. I took a Project 2-3 jeep along Kamias and got down at anonas the end of its route. I crossed Aurora and rode one of those old school buses, the yellow ones that looked like… school buses (an old school bus that looked like a school bus. Ha ha). The ones that had a truck like front, and wooden interiors (rare instances you’d be concerned termites might hamper your commute)

I got down along the corner of Marcos ave. and Ligaya; where the 7-11 is the last business venture surviving there. Jeepneys going to Rosario and Pasig can be found there, I was only getting down on Mabini Street, so any jeep was fine. (Have you ever wondered how many streets are named Mabini, Bambang, and Rizal?) It just so happened one Pasig palengke jeep was still waiting for passengers in front of me. Got a look inside and it was almost full, but the guy who was sitting beside the last seat at the left side suddenly decided to move and sit down farther inside the right side of the jeep. I took the opportunity and dove in.

Seated inside, I scanned the people around me. SOP to ween out possible hold-up situations. It was cool. But while scooping out their faces I noticed a lot of them were covering their noses. And right in _______, the smell hit me. Amoy tae. So I was sniffing, figuring where it could possibly be coming from. Sa labas? A baby with a full tank diaper? Amoy tae ng tao ha. Not just any animal shit. And then it hit me, it was strong, and another SOP I had that I didn’t get to do was nagging at the back of my head: double check any vacant seat left on a crowded bus or jeep. Chances are, there’s a reason why it’s left unoccupied. Bubble gum at the seat, vomit from a drunk dude, wet because of the rain…

I didn’t get to scope the person to my right, the one seated at the last seat as that action was not too subtle. I then heard laughter, a nervous giggle coming form that direction, so I looked. Lo and behold, the person beside me was a big fat unkempt mama, smiling a toothless grin, and holding up her right hand, which was smeared full with human shit. The source of the foul smell everyone was covering his or her face at; and the reason why the dude originally seated beside her changed seats.

I followed suit.

Baliw yung babae. She was holding a small container with her other hand. It was the kind used by samalamig vendors. Pang-gulaman, buko juice or pineapple juice. Anyways, she brandished her hand smeared with shit frosting. I was at the far corner so I had the privilege of safe observation when the passengers near her evaded her to the best of their abilities considering the intimacy of the jeep. They were writhing away, men and women alike as she teasingly waved her hand close to them. Talk about invasion of personal space huh? The rest were pleading the driver to, uh, drive him away. And the driver was telling the rest of the passengers to shoo her out.

If you think about it, all of then could’ve gotten down. But nobody did. Aba, sayang ang pamasahe no.

Then for some reason, crazed mama decided to get off the jeep. Everybody had their own version of pleading to the driver to drive away. Humarurot naraw bago sumakay uli. So he did.

Everyone sighed a sigh of relief. The spot where crazed mama sat still remained vacant, avoided by everyone like the plague. Some of the passengers were spitting outside, some were on the verge of vomit as the memory of the smell is sometimes stronger than the actual whiff itself.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. Along the way, there was a traffic congestion and the passengers in my jeep saw crazed mama riding on another one! The poor passengers in the jeep numbered only a few, but crazy mama was still seated at the end brandishing her hand and her laughter audible to us. Word was spreading that she may get down while the jeeps were on a halt and again ride our jeep. The women were telling the men that if she ever did get back, they should punch and kick her out. Everyone would breath a sigh of relief when the jeep would move, and dread with anticipation when it stopped.

They would peek so obviously that I would never blame crazed mama coming back with the attention they were giving her. I mean, she’s only brandishing her hand covered in shit right?

Traffic loosened up after we passed by Santolan. Some passengers got down and the _______(communal) memory of crazed mama terrorizing us all desipitated. The rest of us that were still there could only break a smile when a teenage couple, dressed to kill for a gimmick got in and sat down where crazed mama sat. I was tempted to tell them “alam mo may nakaupo diyang babaeng baliw kanina, yung kanang kamay niya puno ng tae.” But I didn’t.

Mabini street passed by, I got down and walked to my friends house. I waited till we finished eating before telling the story of crazy mama.

Jordan